Living

I think I have come upon somewhat of a revelation today. Well, perhaps "come upon" isn't the correct phrase, nor the correct credit.

I think I have been given somewhat of a revelation today. In all honesty, I don't remember what sparked this thought.

I believe the brain cycle went:
1) "Hmm, maybe I'll go over to the library and study there, that seems like it'll be nice."
2) (Now over-analyzing) "Do I just want to go over there because I think there are things, people, girls perhaps, there that will make me happy?"
3) "Maybe it's ok for me to do that under that mindset, just to see if it works, because maybe those things, people, girls, will make me happy."
4) "Isn't that ok, for Christians to try other things just to make sure those other things aren't the real truth?"
5) "Wait a minute..."

Enter revelation:
"Perhaps this is how I've been living. I've been living as a cautious Christian, not in the sense that I'm saying that I'll live for Christ and then not really doing it, but saying, 'I think I'll just.. give this Christianity thing a try, and maybe it's true, maybe it's not,' and doing it all on the pretense of the verse in John 7 that says, 'If anyone chooses to do God's will, he will find out whether my teaching comes from God or whether I speak on my own,' not realizing that God's will for us is not a half-hearted commitment nor a cautious following, rather complete abandonment to ourselves and total commitment and joy to God's glory, and then we will know, in some form."

So perhaps this is the answer for people who are seeking to know whether Christ is true and real or not. To really know if God is real, well, to really know God, you have to be COMPLETELY committed and have full faith in Christ. Perhaps it's not a introspective intellectual find, but a heart's commitment to faith. It's probably good that God doesn't let us get away with a flighty intellectual testing, but let's us know the fullness of Him in giving Him the fullness of our lives.

But that means that I have to give up my full life, my full control, every SINGLE aspect of me to Him for justifying and purifying and refining to truly follow Him.

When I really think about it, that's scary.

So I pray God would change our hearts and give us the grace to truly follow Him, to fully commit to His glory, and to both know it intellectually and emotionally, but also in the every spot of us.

Crap.