Merry Christmas.

This makes me want to throw up.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081226/ap_on_re_us/santa_shooting

It seems too fake, too terrible.
But what hits me, and the more I think about it, the more I'm saddened and disgusted, but what hits me is how destroyed and mutilated these families must feel. How terrified and completely exposed to evil they must feel. What's more, how could one man possibly be so twisted and scarred that he might be led to do something like this? My conclusion to these two thoughts is that as Christians we must seek to love families such as these, but also to love, deeply and truly and meaningfully, men such as these, people such as these, that are so desperate and hopeless and twisted that they would massacre as this.

What's more is that in our American world this shocks and awes us, this makes us tremble and "want to throw up" yet we don't even realize that horror such as this is commonplace in places such as the Sudan, in the Darfur region, where war and genocide and hopelessness has torn people's lives apart. If we are going to say that Christ brings a message of hope for the hopeless, and this is certainly meaning that we, everyone on earth, as sinners receive the hope of forgiveness, but something in me, something in Christ, says that it cannot just be so "spiritual." The hope of Christ cannot just manifest itself in the words of our preachers. It must be carried out, yes, into the suburbs, although this may look different than it does now, but it also must be carried into the places of horror and death, and that can not mean hitting people in the head with the Bible, it must mean showing them the hope of Christ both to have full life, know God, in this world and in the next, the continuation.

And still I carry on with my selfish sin, hardened heart, listening to what I like, what feels good.

But that's not the point, is it?

On the radio earlier today, in the Spirit of Christmas, someone was talking about the freedom Christ offers, and my thought was such, "Well, sure, if you don't sin, but if you keep on sinning, that's not a ton of freedom now, is it?" That thought is kind of shaming now, but I think that there may be some good things drawn from it. First of all, I seem to assert that the point of us following Christ is to "not sin." The point of following Christ is glorifying God, and yes, sinning certainly is defiant of the love of God and therefore, not glorifying to Him, but it's so much more. I don't quite know where to go know, but I guess that it just seems so.. me-oriented to complain of Christ like that. Christ has given me freedom. He has said to me, "Oh no no, my son, you do not understand. You do continue to sin, and that must stop, but what you do not realize is that I continue to love you and forgive you. You don't quite understand that, do you? No matter, it remains."

That is what the freedom of Christ means. Yes, it is partly that we are freed from sin and are freed from its addictive chains, for surely He will change our hearts, at least I do hope that He will, but it also means that we are freed from sin's wages, and even more so, we are allowed to know God, and pleasure I know far too little of, a joy that I do not take joy in so often. It is not a feeling of happiness, if it were, then, well, I would take joy in Christ some of the time, that's for sure, but probably not very constantly. It has to be something more than a feeling, and I may be in the process of finding out what that is. Lord help us, for we are lost little lambs, dumbstruck in a world of mud pies and back alleys, knowing nothing of vacations at the sea, nor anything of hope, nor even knowing why we might need hope or grace or a savior. Lord, help us.