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I'm reading through a terrific book right now, The Prodigal God by Tim Keller. In it he is going through the parable of the prodigal son, or what he calls the parable of the two sons, and discussing two philosophical camps, the "I'll do it my own way and be happy about it" camp and the "I'll do it how it's supposed to be done and be happy" camp. He reveals that Jesus has not come to say, "You who are doing it your own way will go to hell, you who are doing whats supposed to (culturally, morally, religiously etc.) be done will go to heaven," no, he says that Jesus is saying to both of these camps, the wayward son who goes off to find his own pleasure and the elder son who sticks by his father's side, that their hearts are in the wrong. Both of the sons in the story merely desire the father's wealth, not the father. Jesus is not just pointing out the moral wrongdoing of the people who go against moral standards, but also to the hardened hearts of those who only keep those moral standards for selfish reasons. He goes on to describe how this parable is truly a good picture of the Bible's message as a whole, the message that we, as humans, are exiled, and only in God can we find our true home, our true fulfillment, our true joy.

This description of how we as humans, and the world as a whole, are exiled really strikes me. Following God because you find in Him your home, your joy, your all, just seems so much fuller, so much different than anything I've experienced before. It seems so different from the cycle I fall into so often, a cycle of sinning, trying to be sorry, and trying to repent, and then repeating. This is surely not fulfilling. What I've been finding is that not only can I not really repent very well, I've found that I believe far less than I thought I did, that the emotional highs and lows that I succumb to, often cause in fact, are not the fulfillment Christ described, that I don't really know how to be sorry to God, not just sorry to the consequences, that I really don't know how to even begin believing, yet I've been living this cycle thinking I'm getting somewhere. And I'm not.

But, there is hope. Hope that God will teach us, change us, help us in our unbelief.

Lord, surely we cannot follow You, understand You, love You, without Your help. Please, come and show us, come and mold us, come and change us.